


it's a small crime (and i got no excuse)

by onceuponaspace (cozy_knights)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Jealous Ben, POV Leia Organa, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, and a mother-son story, this is tagged with damerey but that is not the point this is a reylo story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 19:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozy_knights/pseuds/onceuponaspace
Summary: "Is it wrong to want her son’s heart to break? To want him to feel even an ounce of the pain she did when he took her love away?"...Or: Leia witnesses the Force Bond.





	it's a small crime (and i got no excuse)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting my writing for this fandom and I've had this sitting in my drafts for over a year now, but I have been so nervous about posting it. I really want to get this out there though, so here it is.

Leia watches as the Falcon touches down, dust kicking up as the ramp extends. Before it has fully reached the ground, Poe is running forward. Leia raises an eyebrow at his excitement, but pays it no mind. It is a moment to celebrate, after all. If the transmission Rey had sent ahead about what she found was to be believed, then the First Order’s days might be numbered.

(She tries not to think about what it means for the man at the top of it all.)

But Poe’s happiness seems to be over something more than just the information they potentially have. When Rey walks out, he runs up, gathering her in his arms and spinning around as she laughs. When the Resistance’s star pilot kisses the last Jedi full on the mouth, everyone hoots and hollers. 

Leia simply crosses her arms and huffs in silent laughter, shaking her head with a small smile as she watches the scene. To find love in the midst of a war...truly the younger ones were so lucky.

But she pauses when Rey doesn’t automatically seem to respond. The girl stands there in the older man’s arms, seemingly stunned by the brash display, staring over his shoulder with wide eyes. Leia is about to cut in for the poor girl’s sake, when suddenly Rey’s brow furrows and she is kissing back _fiercely_.

At the passionate display, the cheers grow louder. Finn’s whoops stand out in particular, egging on the happy couple.

They finally pull apart for air when Chewbacca exits the ship, grumbling at them for blocking the ramp. Leia snorts, and Chewbacca glares at her, as if asking, _how could you let this happen?_ Leia simply rolls her eyes in response, chalking up his response to the Wookie’s protectiveness. 

They move aside, but Poe doesn’t let go of Rey yet, his arm draped around her waist. Both with flushed cheeks, but Rey is looking considerably more embarrassed by the display than the Poe. Poe simply laughs as they are crowded by Finn and Rose and Kaydel, followed by the younger of the few other pilots and mechanics left.

But through it all, Rey looks so...drained, as if the kiss took everything in her. Perhaps it did, Leia thinks. The desert girl is not used to so much attention and affection. The few responses she gives to the jumble of conversation around her are stilted, her smile forced and not reaching her eyes.

“Alright, alright,” Leia cuts in, deciding it’s time to move on to the briefing before they get drunk on their joy. “You kids can have your fun later. Briefing room in ten, all of you.” Her tone softens as she turns to Rey. “And it’s good to have you back, Rey.”

“Thank you, general,” Rey says, not meeting her eyes. 

Within seconds, Rey is drawn back into the chatter of the crowd around her, despite her clear discomfort. Leia huffs, deciding to talk to her later when they’re alone. Perhaps then Rey will open up. Until then, she has a meeting room to prepare.

But when Leia makes to turn around, she nearly falls over on the spot as she stumbles back.

Because right there, just ten feet away as if he’s simply hiding under the ramp of the Falcon, is the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Right there is her son.

Ben seems unaware of her as he stares at the group huddled around Rey, yet his glassy eyes barely seem to be registering them. His face is pale and haggard, making the dark bruises lining his eyes starkly stand out. Hair is hanging limply and plastered against his forehead where he sweats, stubble is beginning to grow below his nose and chin, framing his mouth with the lightest shadow. His chest is heaving and his lips are trembling. He looks..._wrecked_. Leia immediately wonders if he’s been eating, sleeping, taking care of himself at all because when he was younger, sometimes he’d just forget--

It’s been years, and her heart breaks at the sight of her son. He is devastatingly beautiful to look at, and something in her hurts to realize she would never have known what he looked like close up if not for this...whatever this is.

She reaches out in the Force, trying to feel for him, but he doesn’t seem to be there. Yet, there is _something_. She follows the thread, gasping when she realizes his being extends from Rey in that moment.

Suddenly, the girl’s odd behavior both makes sense and doesn’t at the same time. 

She turns back to Ben, who is still staring off in the distance, totally unaware of anything around the hangar except the girl in his sights.

“Ben?” she whispers, not believing the apparition in front of her. Why is the Force showing her him, after all this time?

At her call, his head whips to her. Their eyes meet, and she is sure they both recognize the same feeling in each other: betrayal.

He looks over her, as if cataloging every gray hair, every wrinkle since he last saw her. Finally, he ends his scrutiny and something in her sighs in relief.

“I can’t,” a low voice says, absolutely broken. It takes seconds to register that his mouth had moved, that it was him who had spoken.

She knows that tone, inflection, but she has never heard that voice. Not how it is now, the deepened voice of a man, no longer the higher-pitched squeal of a little boy. _Her_ little boy.

By the time she has realized, though, Ben’s attention is already back on Rey. He takes a shaky breath, his entire body convulsing with the effort as he curls in on himself. 

She wishes for a moment that she wasn’t his mother, that she was only the general of the Resistance. Then maybe she could enjoy this, watching the enemy fall apart over a girl he can never have because Rey belongs to _them_. Maybe she wouldn’t feel guilty that to some degree she wants her son’s heart to break, that she wants him to feel even an ounce of the pain she did because he took her love away.

But, gods, he won’t stop _shaking_. His chin hits his chest as his entire body sinks to the ground. 

“No-” Leia starts, because _he doesn’t get to do this now_, but before she can finish, something snaps and he is gone.

When she looks back at the crowd, Rey is staring at the spot where Ben disappeared, her face betraying her guilt, and even more damning, her own heartbreak and longing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be honest, I cried way too much when writing this because the thought of Ben realizing how alone he is just hurt me. Also, just to be clear, Rey doesn't kiss Poe back because she likes him, she just sees Ben watching and does it out of anger. This would obviously never happen, but sometimes I just like to see my babes suffer.
> 
> Like I said, this is my first time writing for this fandom, so comments and general support would be appreciated!


End file.
